Influencing People, Your How-To Guide
Copyright 2005 Daniel N Brown
Every day we’re confronted with situations where we need to influence, lead and persuade people. From persuading your children to clean their room, to convincing your boss to give you a raise. It’s all about influence.
Our ability to deal successfully with people determines the quality of our business life, our family life, and our social life. Ultimately, our success in life and in any endeavor will be solely determined by how well we influence other people. Our ideas will never see the light of day if we can’t persuade others why it’s such a great idea.
Excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation, and assertiveness techniques. But, there is no right way, nor is there only one way to influence others. Everything is a factor when influencing people.
Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” gives an incredible insight into human behavior. If you’ve never read this classic book I highly recommend it. There are also plenty of other great books out there on people skills and human nature. It would do us all good to gain more understanding on this vital topic.
We must, absolutely, have a proper understanding of people and their nature if we are ever to win others to our way of thinking. When you gain a proper understanding, then, and only then, can you become a successful person of influence.
Influencing is about being able to move things forward, without pushing, forcing or telling others what to do. It’s the ability to work everything at your disposal, both verbal and non-verbal communication, to create the impact you want, rather than letting things just happen.
To best influence people you must have an understanding of yourself and the effect or impact you have on others. It’ s about knowing how others perceive you. It can sometimes be looked at as the ability to finesse another person. They become persuaded, often unconsciously, into seeing and understanding your view .
If you can make people understand your view then they will be far more willing to at least meet you halfway. Even more so if you make them feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated. They may even end up doing or agreeing to something they wouldn’t have previously done because they feel good about making the choice.
Now, here’s a big secret to influencing people; make the other person feel important and the more they will respond to you. It’s human nature for people to want to be recognized and to feel like “somebody.” It’s been said about recognition, “Babies cry for it and grown men die for it.”
People will always respond in a negative way to you if you treat then like a nobody, or talk down to them. I see this all the time, particularly in families. Parents can’t seem to understand why their kids disrespect them. Often times, the parents are talking down to their kids, belittling them, making them feel like their ideas are stupid, and making them feel unimportant.
People could gain a lot of ground by first listening to others without judgment and criticism, hearing what is important to them, and hearing what will move them. When you know what will move them, you will then know how to move them because you will be able to tell them what they want to hear. You can simply show them how they can get what they want by doing what you want.
Again, our successes in life will be greatly determined by how well we influence other people. So, we need to learn all we can about human nature and obtain great people skills so we may win others to our way of thinking. When you gain a proper understanding of human nature and hone your people skills, then will you become a mighty successful person of influence.
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